Have you ever tried to hide something you did that you were not very proud of? You try to put it out of your mind, put on your smile, and no one will know, right? Maybe you can fool the people around you, but you can’t keep that secret from God! I know from experience. I tried to hide my abortion for 32 years. That’s a long time to run from something, especially guilt and shame. When I found out I was pregnant, I was young and not married and I panicked. I couldn’t tell my parents; they were pillars in the church. I had to take care of this “problem.” I just wanted it to go away.
I went to a Planned Parenthood facility and had the abortion. I don’t remember a lot about that day, only a sense of relief. I went home and never thought about it too much until several years later when I gave my life to Christ. I knew God was a forgiving God and that He would forgive me, but I could not forgive myself. Through the years, the pain of the abortion would arise and I would weep and pray, but could not bring myself to deal with it. I just stuffed the pain deeper inside. God, the author of patience, pursued me long enough, and I finally got to the point where I knew I needed help.
Not knowing what to do, I called iChoose. I told Jill my whole story and began going through the Bible study, Forgiven and Set Free, with her. Through this study I was finally able to accept Christ’s complete forgiveness. David says in Psalm 32, “When I kept silent, my bones washed away, day and night your hand was heavy upon me.” This is exactly how I felt carrying all of the sin of the past but luckily the verse doesn’t stop there. David continues to say, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and you forgave the guilt of my sin.” Isn’t that powerful? God can take away that ball and chain and give you a fresh start, remembering this no more!
Two years ago, I never would have thought I would be sharing this story, but when God wants you to do something, just do it. He is patient. It may take years, but experiencing His forgiveness is life changing!