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The Choice That Tragically Affected Me For Years

Updated: Mar 8, 2023

When I was 25 years old, I became pregnant. Sadly, my boyfriend did not want our child. Although I wanted to have my baby, I was scared of losing my boyfriend and gave in to the pressure to "terminate the pregnancy.” I had just graduated from college and was starting my career. How could I take care of a child?

At the time, abortion seemed to be the best solution to my problem. What I didn't know until much later was that my life had been devastated by this decision. My relationship with my boyfriend became increasingly difficult, and even after we got married, I was angry and bitter much of the time. I became numb, increasing my drug use, and never feeling peace. Eventually we divorced, and I blamed him for my unhappiness. Tragically, this choice affected me for years. I really didn't know that my relationship problems and my anger were symptoms of my past abortion. It wasn't until I became a Christian several years later that I understood what I had done. I didn't think my abortion had affected me at all. I was very wrong.

It was at that time that God did two very important things for me. During my drive to work one day, I heard an interview done with Dr. James Dobson on a Christian radio station. The woman on the program was telling about her abortion and the healing she had received. She said something I will never forget: "Our babies are in heaven, and they are not mad at us." It was then that God started the healing process in me. I was so touched by that statement, I had to pull over to the side of the road and cry because it hit me so hard. I didn't know I had believed some things deep down inside that weren't true. I had believed that I was a bad person, that I couldn't be close to God since I had done this thing, that I had hurt my child, and even that my child was mad at me and so was God.

The second thing God did for me was to lead me to volunteer at a local crisis pregnancy center. When I filled out the application to become a peer counselor, I was asked if I had ever had an abortion. It was then that I started going to my first post abortion Bible study. Since then, I have sat with many women who have told me their stories. This is usually the first step that leads to God's healing power and redemption of their past to bring beauty from ashes.

There is hope and healing for past mistakes we have made, including our abortions. We are forgiven instantly when we confess our sins to God and ask for forgiveness. But healing is a process. This process starts by sharing your secret with someone you trust.

James 5:16 says "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."

We’re here to listen. We’re here to help. Through Restoration, we've had the joy of seeing the women and men in our post abortion Bible studies be transformed as they go through the journey of healing. They come into the class nervous, anxious, and sad, but as they are met with love, acceptance, and compassion from the Father, their spirits soar, and they are truly forgiven and set free. Truly set free of their past shame, guilt, and regret and become closer to God than they could ever imagine.

If you or someone you know is suffering from a past abortion decision, please text Jill at 919-333-7334 to learn more.

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